Again, autism is a spectrum, which means that it can vary heavily from person to person. Autism does not have a phenotype, meaning individuals with autism don’t “look” a certain way. This is why it is extremely rude when someone tries to invalidate your autistic experience by saying, “Well, you don’t look like you have autism. My son has autism and you are nothing like him.” Each individual with autism is unique, with their own set of strengths, challenges, and characteristics. No two autistic individuals are exactly alike. This is why when you meet a person with autism, you have done just that, met a person with autism. That individual’s experience may be completely different than another’s with autism. This can make it difficult to identify, especially in girls and women. 

      Again, autistic girls and women often exhibit several unique characteristics making them particularly difficult to diagnose. Regarding their specific interests, they are more likely to be passionate about topics and objects that are “socially acceptable” and suitable for their age. This may show up as an intense interest and passion for animals, skincare, makeup, fashion, going to the gym, and more. Since these interests are more “socially acceptable” for a girl or woman to participate in, it often goes unseen by others and is easily dismissed. They are more likely to be called a “horse girl” rather than an autistic girl who has a special interest in horses. Similarly, girls and women with autism are more likely to engage in repetitive stimming. Stimming can serve various purposes and can be a way for them to self-regulate, express themselves, or cope with sensory experiences. For girls and women, this may look like hair twirling, fingernail biting, fiddling with jewelry, leg shaking, nail tapping, along with a plethora of other stims. Since many of these stims are “socially acceptable” and rarely seen as significant by others, they go unnoticed and written off as a quirk. Many autistic girls and women also tend to quickly develop coping mechanisms in order to appear more similar to the individuals around her. This is called “masking.” Basically, masking involves imitating or “copying” the behaviors, mannerisms, or social cues of those around them in order to fit in and appear more socially adept. They may not even realize they are doing this because their act of being a social chameleon is so ingrained and sometimes subconscious. Because of this, they may consciously or unconsciously learn to mimic facial expressions, body language, or the speech patterns of those around them. They may force eye contact even though it is uncomfortable, think about how much eye contact is appropriate in conversation, and practice eye contact in front of a mirror. Similarly, they may practice conversations when alone and list possible topics of conversation prior to engaging in a social event so as to be prepared for small talk and the like. Girls and women may also think to themselves that everyone around them must be doing these acts too. Autistic girlies tend to work hard to suppress their more autistic traits in public and wait to partake in them until alone in order to avoid drawing unnecessary attention or judgment from others. Constantly monitoring and adjusting their behavior through masking can be extremely exhausting, making social experiences feel like a significant amount of work whether they realize it or not. Many autistic girls and women mention that when they get home from a day or night of socializing and have the freedom to take off their mask, they often show their “worst” side to their family members. Because they are so drained by prior social experiences, they may lash out at home, retreat to their room, appear negative, antisocial, and highly emotional. This is often something that they feel guilty about and unsure of how to fix. All of this effort can be mentally and emotionally draining, leading to increased stress, anxiety, and burnout. Not only this, but it can severely impact one’s self-identity. It can create a divide between their true self and the mask/persona they present to the outside world. This internal struggle can lead to feelings of isolation, disconnection, and a sense of not being understood by anyone. Girls and women may choose to stay home and be alone rather than go out because it is easier than putting on a mask and draining her battery. It can almost feel like being an entirely different person depending on each situation she is in. This creates intense confusion in knowing who she truly is, what she really likes, and what are the traits and interests she has actually adopted from those around her. 

      It is vital that we keep fighting against the gender bias surrounding autism, promote awareness, acceptance, and representation, and ensure that girls and women can receive the recognition, support, and opportunities they deserve. By challenging stereotypes, advocating for inclusive research, and listening to the voices of autistic girlies, we can create a more equitable and inclusive society that embraces their diverse experiences.